The Shadows' Empress (Part 11)

Jacob looked back down at the floor while he replayed the incident in his mind. He had a feeling Roland was now involved. And, the idea that this was true caused fear to rise and crash inside his chest like waves on a rocky beach. Jacob refused to lose anyone else. Especially not the way he lost his wife.

“Uh…Dad?” Roland gave his father a concerned look. “Are…are you okay? Maybe I shouldn’t have asked. Forget I even brought it up.”

“No,” Jacob said sternly with a level of finality which he almost never spoke. “I’ve been keeping this a secret for too long. Not even your grandparents know what really happened. And, to be honest, if I don’t tell you I’ll never be able to tell anyone.” Jacob wanted to tell his son everything. But, there is only so much weight a parent should put on their child’s shoulders. So, he left that last part up to Roland’s imagination.

“Besides…you really should know what happened to Helena.

‘What?’ Roland’s mind began to wander. Now, he was no longer concerned with what happened to his mother. Instead, he realized that he didn’t really know her, anymore. ‘Helena? Was that really her name? Something about it sounds foreign. Like, I knew her name, put can’t place it, and Dad just made one up.’

“To make things less complicated…everyone on my side of the family is a…well, we’re hunters,” Jacob said slowly, thinking about how pathetically cliché that sounded. Sometimes the truth really is stranger than fiction. It’s a lot more ridiculous, too.

This confession caught Roland off guard and pulled his mind back to the present situation.

“Please don’t tell me we’re demon hunters…” Roland said incredulously. He felt that, even if his father told him they were, he wouldn’t believe it. As much as Roland liked the show, who would really want to live through an episode of Supernatural?

“Okay, I won’t. Because we’re not.” Jacob laughed at the absurdity. And then, frowned when he realized the truth wasn’t far off. “First of all, I understand that she’s pulling you into something that you shouldn’t be a part of. But, I’ll be damned if I let her take you. …I mean, I’ll probably be damned regardless. But, you know what I mean. Besides that, this is something that really should end with me. It’s not your concern.”

“Who is ‘she’? The Empress?”

“Empress? That’s what you call her?”

“Yeah, the Shadows’ Empress.”

“That’s more creative that what I call her,” Jacob had to give his son credit. It was like the kid was just as artistic as he was logical.

“What do you call her?”

“A bitch,” Jacob said without any kindness nor hate in his voice. Although, he began to hear up, which was something Roland had never seen his father do. “She’s the one who killed your mother, Roland. She took Helena from us! From me!”

The tears were falling freely, now. Jacob’s eyes were getting redder as he tried to keep himself from falling apart in front of his son. Meanwhile, Roland suddenly had more questioned he wanted answered. How did the Empress kill his mother? Why could he still not believe Helena was his mother’s name? …Where was she? Given the Empress may have killed his mother Roland had the idea that his mother’s body wasn’t in the casket that he saw being lowered into the ground when he was eight-years-old. Roland looked up at his father who was doing his best to wipe his tears away and failing.

‘I don’t think I’ll ask those questions just yet…’ Roland thought. It hurt him to see his father crying. Even more so when he thought about how this could have been avoided if he’d just figured things out by his own means. And, holy shit, did he have a lot to say to the Empress now. Part of Roland was angry that the Empress could have killed his mother. The other part didn’t exactly hate her as she had been helping him survive his nightmares. Which, for some people is an actual problem. Sudden Unexpected Nocturnal Death—basically dying in your sleep potentially because of bad dreams—was real. And, there was no telling what would happen to Roland if he died while he was asleep.

‘Maybe that’s how Mom died.”

The Shadow Man (Part 14)

There is no way that any family would be okay with staying in their house after a loved one was brutally killed in their bedroom. Officer Perez wasn’t surprised to hear that Jesse and his mother, who Perez had learned was named Camilla, decided to spend the next few days in a hotel room. Captain Mercer must have sympathized with them so strongly that he had the hotel room paid for by the precinct. Perez wondered if that was common, or if the Captain had finally gone soft. Jesse’s father Martin chose to stay in the house, and as the crime scene was thoroughly examined, he was cleared to do so. Officer Perez wondered if that was common, too. She had never spent the night in a house after someone she cared about was murdered in it. Maybe, Martin just couldn’t believe what happened. Or refused to…

Officer Perez was meant to be going home. However, even after her shift ended, she couldn’t stop thinking about what Jesse had told her about Olivia also seeing the “Shadow Man” Jesse referred to. Perez wondered if that had something to do with Izzy’s death. And if it did, what condition would her squad find Olivia in?

“This must be what a burglar feels like the first time they go to break into a house,” Perez said to no one in particular. She was alone, after all. She had remembered what Jesse said about the cave on the other side of the woods and felt there might be clues to Olivia’s disappearance there.

“I’ll just wait until I get past the trees to turn on my flashlight. Don’t need anyone catching me stalking through their backyard.”

Officer Perez brought her hand down to her utility belt, wrapping her hand around the textured grip of her state-issued Mag-Lite.

“A flashlight might be a better weapon against a guy made of shadows.”

This might have been true, but she brought her sidearm just in case the shadow person had more substance than she expected him to. To be entirely honest, she had yet to completely accept that what Jesse saw was, in fact, a shadow. People tend to see things differently than they appear when they are scared. It was very likely that he just saw a living person who was covered in the shade of the trees. But, Perez didn’t want to discount Jesse entirely. In her twelve years on the force, she’d seen some weird shit. This would be another of those things to add to her list of things she never thought she’d see.

Perez walked slowly through the woods, careful not to bump into any trees or trip over nothing like they do in horror movies.

“I’m far enough away…” she muttered while retrieving her Mag-Lite from her utility belt. The officer turned it on, sweeping the light from left to right and back again. Part of her was wishing a sign of Olivia, or this shadow man Jesse mentioned, would materialize in front of her; make her job easier.

“Oh, shit…!” Perez felt her heart jump in her chest. She was a bit more than halfway to the end of the forest, happy that she hadn’t walked into any spider webs, when she found a grey piece of fabric with pink and blue stars trailing down one side. Officer Perez had known what it was as soon as she saw it. The drawstrings gave it away.

“Is that a hoodie?”

Perez walked closer to the jacket draped over a bush that was low to the ground. Given what happened to Izzy she didn’t doubt there would be a trap near it. Or under it. Instead of picking it up, Officer Perez took several pictures with her cell phone. When you find a piece of evidence you’re not suppose to move it. Doing so could contaminate it with her DNA, making it more difficult to identify the real culprit.

For the first time since the investigation began Perez felt that she was on the right track. She continued on, looking for more clues as she walked.

“If this is here, then maybe Olivia left her watch on the sidewalk for Jesse to find. She’s left a trail! …Maybe. Don’t get your hopes up. This could have just been a coincidence.”

The Officer finally reached the end of the woods. She stood there for a minute, looking around cautiously. There was no man as far as she knew. But, this wouldn’t be the first time a suspect snuck up on her. Well, tried to. Actually, there was nothing there between the trees and the cave. Perez walked toward the cave, leaning against the left side of the opening as she peeked inside. There was nothing but darkness. And, the smell of iron floating out of the quiet, black hole that resided in the cave. She smelled blood.

The Shadow Man (Part 13)

Having to deal with the police twice in one day was exhausting. And, at this point, terrifying and confusing. How do you explain something to the authorities when you don’t even know what happened? Izzy was asleep in bed when everyone left the house. But, when they came back he was…gone.

Jesse sat on the couch in the living room, absentmindedly massaging his left arm. When he saw his father covered in blood Jesse jumped out of fright, smashing into the curio just outside of the kitchen door at full force. Now, the floor was covered in pieces of broken china and glass, while his arm had potentially suffered further damage. Jesse barely noticed. His mind was very far off, at the moment. He was in shock; eyes staring out of the window toward the moon, hand rubbing his arm, mind blank. Jesse might as well have been asleep.

Standing only about six feet away at the base of the stairs, Officer Perez wrote notes as she took Jesse’s father’s statement. Although, it was hard to make sense of the hysterical man was saying. No one blamed him, though. While she wrote down Martin’s recount of how he found Izzy in his closet, Perez made a note in the margin of her notepad the last time she glanced over at Jesse: Glassy eyes, refuses to talk, possibly in shock. She also made sure to write in her notes that all three of Izzy’s family members were with the police earlier in the evening when the boy was potentially killed. They all had an alibi.

‘Complicated circumstances. Good thing I like a challenge…’ Perez thought to herself. ‘But, they’re kind of an unlucky family. I feel bad for them. One kid survives getting hit by a truck and passes out on the sidewalk looking for his missing friend. Then the other son is found…like that.’ The officer had a flashback to twenty minutes earlier when she saw the young teenager sitting disemboweled in his closet with a petrified look on his face, while everyone did their best not to step in the puddle of blood surrounding Izzy. Many of the other officers called to the scene couldn’t stand being in the room, much less looking at a victim as young as Izzy who had been murdered so violently. It was all just too much.

Perez finished taking Martin’s statement and he went to sit with his wife. This time, she was the one who couldn’t stop crying. Her face was buried in her hands as she sobbed. Officer Perez and her captain glanced over at the broken family.

“You’re not supposed to bury your kids,” Captain Mercer said quietly so the family didn’t overhear something they already knew.

“Yeah, I’m guessing they’re thinking something similar, right about now.”

“It seems everything’s getting wrapped up here. The family’s going to spend a few nights in a hotel until we get the scene cleaned up. You wanna head back to the precinct and write your report so you can go home?”

“Uh, sure. Just give me a minute. I need to ask the brother a few more questions.”

Captain Mercer glanced over at the teenager sitting on the couch seemingly lost in thought. “Okay. But, I’m not sure you’ll get anything out of him while he’s in shock.”

Officer Perez and Mercer nodded at each other as the Captain walked out of the house, presumably to write his own report. After tonight, he felt the need to spend time with his own children when he left work. He’d instructed many of the other officers whom had children to go home and do the same. Perez walked over to Jesse, sitting down on the couch next to him.

“I’m sorry about your brother…” she said softly. “Losing a family member is difficult, but, it gets easier to cope with after a while.”

The officer watched Jesse, waiting for him to respond. He didn’t, and Perez was expecting that. Out of everyone, he’s been the most traumatized by everything that had happened since his return from the hospital.

“I know that you’re probably in shock, but if you can hear me…” she put a hand on Jesse’s should squeezing gently. “…you can call me if you need to talk.”

She sat there next to Jesse for a bit noticing that his eyes were still glazed over. Captain Mercer was right; there was no getting through to him in this state. However, Officer Perez had an idea about what was going through Jesse’s mind. She recalled the last time they had met, only about an hour and a half earlier. Jesse mentioned something about shadows.

“You think it was them, don’t you? The shadow…creatures?”

For the first time since he had seen his father covered in his little brother’s blood, Jesse seemed to be focused; his mind clearing of the fog that weighed almost as heavily as his brother’s passing. He looked into Officer Perez’s eyes, not sure if he heard hear correctly.

“How…did you know?” Jesse asked her. ‘What, can she read minds, now?’

“Because you told me about them, earlier,” Perez smiled at the teenager. “No, it wouldn’t make sense, but I can see why you’d think that. If these things have been bothering you for a while. Did Izzy know about them?”

Jesse wasn’t sure if he really wanted to have this conversation. But, she knew it wasn’t his fault. She also knew that in situations such as this many victims’ minds replace what really happened with something that would be much easier to comprehend or deal with: a defense mechanism.

“Yeah…he’s seen one of them, before. It creeped him out. Olivia…saw it, too.”

The Shadows' Empress (Part 10)

Father and son brought the pizza and some soda into the living room, setting everything on the coffee table. Jacob and the twins immediately dug into their food as they watched their movie in the dim room. Roland, however, couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation he knew he’d have with Jacob when the movie was over. He spent so much time bracing himself for what he was going to hear that he barely ate any of his pizza, nor did he pay any attention to the movie.

Eventually, Roland decided he’d just not worry about what his father had to say until it came time for him to say it. Instead, Roland focused his attention on getting the box open. By now, he’d come to the conclusion that he had to find the other rooms in his dreams that were indicated on the map using the red symbols. Roland had been to one of those rooms already experiencing the vision that he figured must have been the “secret” the Empress was talking about.

‘So, if I find all of the secrets, the box will be unlocked?’ Roland asked himself. ‘I’m not sure if I really wanna find them given what was in the first one. But, I don’t think I have a choice.’

It occurred to Roland that he could fact-check his dad. All he had to do was go through all of the visions that were kept in those rooms, and he would see the truth. Something about that idea made Roland nervous. If his dad was willing to lie to him twice about the same situation he wasn’t sure he really wanted to know. For a second, Roland wished he’d never asked. Why would he when he was going to figure it out on his own, anyway?

‘Experiencing the vision in that first room unlocked the first of seven locks, causing the first symbol on the box to disappear…’ Roland reminded himself. ‘So, will it still show up in the picture of the map?’ Pulling his phone out of his back pocket the he opened the gallery app and tapped the “Camera” folder that contained the photo he was looking for. He zoomed in on the picture and counted all of the symbols from the left side to the right.

‘Only six…’ Roland’s hypothesis was correct. The symbols vanished from both the box and the picture of the map. ‘At least that makes things easier.’

“Alright, you guys! Time to clean up!” Jacob announced as the lights as he rolled the dimmer switch to increase the brightness of the lights in the living room. Roland realized he had spent so much time up in his own head that he missed most of the movie and the credits were rolling. On top of that, he’d only eaten one slice of his pizza. Something that didn’t go unnoticed by his father.

‘Oh, well. I’ll finish it later, when I’m actually hungry.’

***

Roland sat at his desk, waiting for his father to finish tucking in Scarlet and Spencer. He really just wanted this conversation to be over. And, knowing the next few secrets that the Empress had left for him to find would probably hurt him emotionally as much as the first did, he couldn’t wait to go to bed so he could find them.

Glancing at the side of his bed, Roland checked to make sure the box was hidden well enough that his father wouldn’t find the decrepit treasure in it’s hiding spot. Who knows how Jacob would react if he noticed the box nestled between a few other small boxes that contained things Roland had collected over the years. The young man chuckled to himself as he realized that he’d hidden one box among boxes of other things he didn’t want anyone to know he had.

‘I’d be screwed on so many levels if anyone looked under my bed…’

There was a knock at his door, causing Roland to jump a bit in his desk chair.

“Mind if I come in, bud?” Jacob’s voice came quietly from beyond the Roland’s bedroom door.

“Yeah…” Roland’s heart began to beat faster. ‘Let’s get this over with.’

Jacob opened the door and closed it behind him before walking over to sit on his oldest son’s bed.

‘Good…’ Roland thought to himself. ‘He can’t see the box if he’s basically sitting on top of it.’

Jacob leaned back a bit, his arms behind him for support. He was quiet for a while, looking around the room. He wasn’t sure what to say. He decided earlier in the evening that he’d cross the bridge when he got to it. And now that he stood at it’s edge, so to speak, he found himself more worried about how Roland had felt about the situation as a whole. His son hadn’t eaten much during dinner, which showed Jacob that the subject of his mother’s death was really bothering him.

“First off, I just want you to understand something,” Jacob began, clearing his throat. He suddenly wished he’d spent some time thinking about what he was going to say. “When your mother died, you were too young to understand the situation, and I figured it would be best to just simplify things until you were ready to hear the full story.”

“When were you thinking I’d be ready to hear it?” Roland asked as he thought about how much parents underestimate their children.

“When you asked me about it. Which obviously is now…” Jacob looked down at the floor wishing Roland had just gone along with his original story.

Jacob stopped talking for a while making the conversation—or lack thereof—uncomfortable for the both of them so Roland tried to take lead of the narrative.

“So…I’m guessing it wasn’t really an accident?”

“It depends on how you look at it,” Jacob said feeling a little sad as he looked into the hazel eyes Roland had inherited from his mother. “I was involved in something… My whole side of the family was. And, I tried to keep it a secret from your mother, but no one could ever accuse her of being dumb. She found out about out it, anyway. She insisted on helping. But, that’s what got her killed…”

Roulette (2)

Harper slammed the trunk a bit too hard after finishing putting her bags inside eliciting a loud yell from Miles. “I said be careful with my baby!”

            “Calm down, dude! Your ‘baby’ is fine!” Harper climbed into the front passenger seat happy that she didn’t have to sit in the back, for once. She glanced back at Miles and gave him the finger before sitting back and putting on her seatbelt. KayZee had already started driving away when Harper realized she forgot her favorite headphones. The cordless ones that were grey and had flashing blue lights on the ear cups. ‘Crap…Now I have to listen to Jenna talking shit about people at school.’

            Fortunately for Harper, Jenna pretended to be asleep almost the entire ride to the cabin, only giving herself away a couple of times when she started smiling. To be honest, she was loving the fact that Luka and Mateo were sitting close enough to each other. She kept waiting for them to start talking to each other, but it never happened. Mateo had fallen asleep only a few minutes after the group began their trip, and Luka had his earphones in listening to music the whole time. He must have been trying to avoid Mateo and just gotten bored, electing to continue playing his same favorite songs on repeat.

            “Uh…that’s no fun,” Jenna whispered to herself.

            “What isn’t?” Miles asked.

            Jenna glanced at Miles, suddenly getting the best idea shed ever had in her life. She quickly took out her phone opening the texting app. Miles stared at her confused. Jenna was shady sometimes, and apparently this was one of those times. Which meant Miles wasn’t going to like where this was going. Jenna furiously typed something into the text box, then stared blankly at the headrest in front of her, holding her phone tightly in her hands as they rested on her lap. Miles felt his phone vibrate. He never turned the ringer on. He got annoyed at the sound when he’d receive several Twitter notifications at once.

            Looking down at the screen, he read the text message that he’d gotten. It was from Jenna. ‘The fuck is she planning?’ he thought. The message read: “Let’s play Roulette”.

            Miles looked at Jenna, who was still acting as if she couldn’t turn her head to the left. His eyebrow raised involuntarily as he looked back down at his phone. By now, he knew not to say anything about this out loud. ‘What the hell is Roulette?’

            “I don’t have a revolver, Jen…” Miles sent his own message to Jenna who looked down and read it.

            Miles watched her Jenna type her response so quickly he wasn’t sure he’d be able to understand it when it reached his phone.

            “Not Russian Roulette. This is different. Its like truth or dare, without the dare.”

            “Where’s the fun in that?”

            “You have to ask a question and if someone knows the person is lying they figuratively take the bullet. I brought vodka, though. So, if someone gets called out they have to take a shot of Belvedere. All the fun you could ever want.” Jenna finished the message with a winking emoji which Miles stared at for a few minutes. He felt that it was weird for her to send the emoji when her face was so stoic.

            “You’re crazy…but it does sound like fun.” He felt a large smile spread across his face. He wasn’t sure what Jenna was up to, but there was alcohol involved. Any reason to party was good enough for him. And Miles loved to party.

***

            KayZee pulled into the driveway of her parents’ cabin, and everyone except for her was impressed at the beautiful building. The house stood two stories tall and was surrounded on all sides by huge, bare trees collecting snow on their branches. Harper wouldn’t stop talking about how much she loved the paint color; brown on the outside with white window and door frames, and shutters. The sun room built off to the side that didn’t get much use in the winter was also painted white. Mateo, thinking the walkout basement was the front entrance, walked directly towards one of the sliding glass doors.

            “Hey, KayZee! Why are your front doors made of glass? Isn’t that dangerous, or something?”

            “Because those aren’t the front doors!” Harper yelled. “Stupid…”

            “Oh…” Mateo picked up his bag and joined everyone else at the real front door as they funneled in.

            Harper grimaced at the mounted heads of a wolf, a buck, and a bear above the fireplace. She hated that people hunted animals for sport but understood the point of hunting for food. Even if she didn’t like it.

            “Uh…so, does your dad hunt, KayZee?” Harper asked, bumping into a wooden coffee table.

            “Nope. He just thought they looked cool, so his friend gave them to him,” KayZee replied. “My dad just likes to show off. Anyway, there are three bedrooms upstairs, two downstairs, and there’s a murphy bed in the basement. I’ll let you guys pick where you wanna sleep.”

            “Dibs on the basement!” Mateo said much too loudly before running off the wrong direction.

            “It’s the other way…” KayZee stated.

            Mateo ran across the room to the other side of the house where the stairs to the basement were. The lights were off, and even with the floor-to-ceiling windows, it was rather dark. He turned the light on, half expecting there to be a masked murderer standing at the base of the stairs with a bloody chainsaw. Of course, there wasn’t so Mateo walked down the stairs to check out the basement, excitedly pulling down the murphy bed and placing his bag on top of the mattress. Pulling the bed down revealed a shelf at the top of the large, wooden case that housed bed sheets.

            “This is awesome!” Mateo began to happily jump up and down. “It’s like Scooby-Doo! Without a secret room to get dragged into.”

            Miles stared in the direction of the basement stairs. “The funny thing is…he doesn’t like basements. He’ll probably end up sleeping on the couch,” He chuckled. ‘Or on the floor next to my bed.’

The Shadows' Empress (Part 9)

Jacob ended his call with the pizza restaurant and went into the living room to see which movie his youngest children selected. He looked at the title stamped across the large screen in LED lights: ‘Suicide Squad’. This was the fourth or fifth time they had watched this movie.

            “Again?” Jacob asked, wondering if he should laugh or be concerned that his young twins were so interested in the concept of the bad guys being made to do good deeds. But still, their excitement made him smile. He especially thought it was cute when Spencer giggled at the screen when one of the characters said something funny.

            ‘He must be smarter than I thought if none of these jokes are going over his head,’ Jacob thought as he looked over at his oldest son who had been scowling since the movie started. ‘Either he doesn’t wanna watch this movie again, or he’s having one of those mood swings teenagers deal with.’

            The chiming of the doorbell rang through the house.

            “Pizza’s here!” Jacob proclaimed, eliciting happy cheering from his children and, in Roland’s case, growling from his stomach despite the look on his face. Although, with the lights on, Roland seemed less angry. He was probably angry about something and didn’t want them to know.

            “You mind helping me out, Roland?” Jacob didn’t need help to carry four pizzas to the living room. He just wanted to talk. And maybe get him to bring the drinks, because it had been a long day, and papa needed a cold one.

            Roland didn’t answer, but he got up from his spot on the couch between his brother and sister and walked over to meet his father in the kitchen. Jacob paid the delivery guy and gave him a decent tip considering he had to drive out to the country to deliver the pizzas. Putting them on the table, Jacob asked, “everything alright, buddy? You’ve been quiet and kinda angry all night…”

            “I’m fine…” Roland muttered, thinking about the dream he’d had. Given the circumstances, he couldn’t just pretend it wasn’t real. How does a picture you took in your dream show up on your phone in real life?

Jacob sighed. He knew better than to believe a child when they said they were “fine”.

“Let me rephrase that. I know something’s wrong. What is it?” Jacob asked putting his arm around his son, so Roland couldn’t try to avoid the conversation.

For the first time since in his entire life, Roland felt uncomfortable around his father. By now, he’d decided it was obvious that Jacob had been lying to him about his mother’s death. Roland even tried to justify his father’s lies. Who wants to tell a young boy his mother died because of something that wasn’t an accident? What would happen to someone so young, mentally, if they knew had that kind of information? Could someone as young as Roland was at the time even understand the situation? Roland figured the reason he’d felt so betrayed was because he’d like to think he was smart enough to grasp the concept of death without potentially going crazy. Besides, nobody likes being lied to in any circumstance.

Roland took a deep breath, slowly in and out. He looked over his shoulder into the living room to make sure his younger siblings weren’t listening. The young man had just realized what the real reason was; no child should have to worry about something as grim as death.

“How did Mom really die?” Roland stared into his father’s eyes who appeared shocked at the question. Roland was just as shocked, himself. He was planning on coming up with something else to convince Jacob that something completely different was bugging him. But, his real concern ejected itself from his mouth.

The pair stared at each other for a moment before Jacob gave his son a gentle smile.

“You’re a smart kid, so I guess I should’ve seen that one coming…” Jacob said softly so the twins didn’t hear. Surely by now they’d be peering into the kitchen to see what was taking them so long to bring the pizza into the living room, so they could eat while continuing their movie.

“You wanna talk about it? Say, after we eat? The Scarlet and Spencer will probably eat us if we don’t bring them their food,” Jacob chuckled.

“Sure…” Roland said, feeling a bit better about the situation, and also sort of scared. ‘What if Dad’s just thinking of another lie or a way to…kill me, too?’ Roland decided he needed to stop being so paranoid and just let things happen.

Jacob face his son and pulled Roland into a big, bear hug, whispering, “I love you, buddy. And, even if you don’t like what I have to say, everything is gonna be fine.”

The Shadow Man (Part 12)

The police officers had all of the reports they needed to take. The ambulance that was called to take Jesse to the hospital, begrudgingly, left the scene without Jesse. Having spent much more time in the hospital after his accident than he’d liked, Jesse convinced all involved that he didn’t need to go back.

“I’m just not used to taking my pain meds,” he’d told the paramedics. “I’m sorry to bother you when you could’ve been on a more important call…” Jesse hung his head, staring at the crack in the sidewalk between his shoes. He wasn’t lying. He was embarrassed that the police and an ambulance was called for something that Jesse didn’t think was a big deal, when his best friend was missing. Although, he was sure part of the reason for them showing up was because he’d found a clue relating to Olivia’s abduction.

Jesse’s mother decided to walk Mrs. Sandoval home. The woman was a mess, and rightfully so. Mrs. Sandoval hadn’t stopped crying the entire time, except to answer questions the police asked her, and when she’d found Jesse unconscious. Neither of Jesse’s parents thought it would be a good thing for her to walk home alone. And, as they were amazed Mr. Sandoval never came to the scene when he knew it involved his missing daughter, Mrs. Sandoval had no one to walk her home. In the meantime, Jesse and his dad decided to walk home together. Jesse’s dad felt that it would give them some time to bond before they reached their house.

“So, what made you start taking your meds, mijo?” Jesse heard his father’s words but wasn’t sure how to answer them. “Are you still in pain even when you’re not putting pressure on your injuries?”

“Not normally.” Jesse said. “But my arm was killing me, last night, so…”

“You finally gave in, huh?”

“Yeah…”

Looking down at the cast on his left arm, Jesse thought about the real reason he took his meds. Why he took more than what was prescribed for one dose. To be entirely honest, Jesse was angry when he woke up. He hoped that he would just fall asleep and never see another day. He was tired of dealing with the shadow figures, the family drama, and worried he’d never see Olivia again. Jesse thought of the suicide note he’d written before his accident. He remembered every word because he wrote it as a poem and read it repeatedly until he felt better. Or at least, until he decided suicide wasn’t the way to handle his problems:

I get closer to the end every day. Having taken more pills than what was prescribed I let the feeling of it wash over me like the ocean I'm too afraid to drown in. This is where the contrary thoughts begin. I wonder if killing myself is the right thing to do. And before I can convince myself it's not I feel it; the drunkenness. Becoming dizzier I see the world through double vision. I see that I was right to do this. I lie in bed praying God understands my decision and hope He doesn't forsake me for it. I feel alone enough as it is. My hands shake, and I see my past flash before my eyes; I didn't have much of a life. He undoes his pants. My heartbeat quickens. He exposes himself to me. I feel sick. His hands touch my body in places I was told never to touch myself. I realize overdosing is not a good way to go, but it does the trick. It gets dark. It's never been so dark before. Not outside of my heart, anyways. I hear my mom say, "he's only four!" And I laugh to myself. Who acts like they care but does nothing to help? On to the next vision. 10 years later, same old shit, and I remember how done with life I was at that age. But I can't help but cry as he says, "You belong to me", as a reminder that my life was never mine to begin with. I try to imagine a happy place. The beach. The sand. I think maybe if I try hard enough to drag myself to the ocean I can change my mind and drown myself instead, but that's not water. It's regret, hate, and blood all mixed together. Don't touch that! Just wait until the moon rises and brings the tide with it. It will cover you in blood when it's good and ready. Now I wake up. Once again, I was too chicken shit to take enough pills to do the job right. I go about my day as if nothing happened and tell myself that what I saw does not define me. Maybe if I say it enough I'll believe it. If I don't, it's fine. I'll just go home. Get back into my black hole of a bed and take one more pill than I did the night before. 

But still, he was glad he was alive. If there was anything he’d learned from the depression from which he suffered it was that everyone had something their meant to do with their time on this planet. And everyone had someone to live for: themselves.

“What do you say we go get your brother and head out for some ice cream?” Jesse’s old man smiled down at him the way he did when he tried to fix bad situations. Or, when the sun was shining in his eyes.

Jesse returned the smile. “Sure! I’d race you to the house, but I’d need more meds for that.”

The two laughed, continuing to do so until they reached their house which was not too far away.

“Ill be right back,” said Jesse’s father, pointing to the stairs. “I’m gonna get your brother.”

“Okay, Jesse said as he sat down on the couch in the living room. Walking out to where he’d found Olivia’s watch, and the subsequent run into the woods after the shadow that hid behind the trees didn’t take as much out of him as the walk back did. He sat there in the quiet, catching his breath, looking around the room. Just as Jesse felt a sense of calm he hadn’t felt…ever, he heard a panicked scream coming from upstairs; it was his dad.

Jesse stood up, running over to the stairs. But, he didn’t make it too far up. His father had rushed to the stairs and was walking down the stairs himself, yelling and crying at the same time; something Jesse had also never heard before. As the father got to the base of the stairs, Jesse realized his dad was holding his hands out, palms upward, dripping blood all the way down his forearms, with some smeared across the front of his grey jacket.

“I-it’s Izzy! Oh, my God! My poor boy!”

Roulette (1)

“Come on! It’ll be fun!” Jenna said with almost too much enthusiasm. It was finally winter break, and they had a few weeks off from school to do something fun. Although, hanging out at a secluded cabin in Hillsdale wasn’t Luka’s idea of fun. He’d rather lock himself in his room to play videogames and draw, particularly because he got paid for the latter. But He was invited to the spend a week at KayZee’s cabin along with Jenna and a few others, and Jenna was doing her damnedest to convince her best friend to come along.

“It’ll be fun for you because you’re friends with pretty much everyone who’s gonna be there,” Luka reminded Jenna. “I only know KayZee and you.”

“But Mateo will be there,” Jenna said in that sing-song voice that people use, making it seem like they’re dangling a prize in front of someone’s face.

“I don’t know him…” Luka said, feeling his ears become hot. If he knew they were turning red that meant Jenna did, too and could tell she was winning.

“But you like him, and he’s going to be there,” Jenna teased. She shot Luka a glance displaying her confusion with a bit of disbelief. “How do you have a crush on someone you don’t know?”

“First of all,” Luka reached for a bag just big enough to fit in a week’s worth of clean clothes and his laptop. “I don’t have a crush on him. And, isn’t that how…life works? Have you never heard of the phrase ‘Love at first sight’?”

“Aww, is that what it was between you two?”

Luka gave his friend his best ‘you can’t be serious’ face and threw a pair of his underwear at her.

“Ooh, yes! Bring these!” She squealed. “They’re cute! And Mateo likes cute.”

“He’s not going to see them even if I wear them! Besides, he has a girlfriend.”

“So? He’s on the football team. Those guys don’t even know what monogamy means, much less how to spell it.”

“You’re kinda mean,” Luka laughed as he stuffed his things into the bag. He’d just organize it all when he got there. If they didn’t leave soon, they’d be late. And Luka didn’t mind spending a week with Mateo.

“I’m also kinda right.”

***

            “Why do we have to take your car, again?” Mateo groaned while climbing into one of the back seats. He decided to sit next to the window hoping something in the passing scenery would keep him awake. According to Mateo, the worst thing in the worlds were road trips, and this would be a long one.

            “Because my car is bigger than yours,” Miles laughed. “Like a lot of other things.”

            Mateo glared at the back of Miles’ head who elected to sit in the middle row, next to the window. Miles knew Mateo was staring at him and was inwardly laughing at how worked up his friend got about things. Like the time in elementary school when the two were camping in Miles’ backyard, and Mateo demanded to walk home, just next door, early because he peed in his sleeping bag after a nightmare. Miles thought he was just going to change, but he left crying and never came back.

            “I can still feel you burning holes through my head, bro. Calm down!” Miles said without looking back at Mateo. He preferred to imagine heat radiating from the top of Mateo’s head. It was funnier that way. “I was just joking!”

            “Hahaha, fuck you…” Mateo mumbled. He knew Miles was joking, and that was the problem. The guy never took anything seriously. Including what he said to people. Miles figured because they were friends he could say whatever he wanted and expect there to be no consequences. Despite being best friends, his joking nature was the one think Mateo hated about him.

            KayZee walked around to the driver side and opened the door. “Can you guys keep it down?” She asked, annoyed at the two boys who would be sitting behind her. “I could hear you when I was locking my front door!”

            “Sorry…” muttered Mateo. He knew KayZee was being a little dramatic, but he and Miles did get a little loud when they were around each other. He thought about that but couldn’t come up with an answer as to why.

            “Sure,” Miles said sarcastically, handing his car keys to KayZee. “Just…please don’t wreck my baby. I beg of you!”

            “You drive a Honda Odyssey. It’ll be fine no matter what I do to it.” KayZee started the large, blue van as she sat in the driver’s seat. “Jesus, Miles. You wanna be a soccer mom when you grow up?”

            “Don’t mock the van. Last time I did that I was stranded on eighty-one outside of Scranton.” Miles shuddered in remembrance of his most difficult time in the snow.

            “That’s because you’re terrible at judging how far you can go on an empty tank,” Jenna said as she got into the car in the same row as Miles. That way Luka, who got in after her, would be forced to sit with Mateo, or risk making thinks awkward. “Heads up, it’s usually nowhere far enough to make a difference.”

            Luka sat down in the opposite side of the back row, avoiding eye contact with Mateo as best as he could. He even took his phone out and stared at the home screen to pretend he was busy. If Harper hadn’t called shotgun twenty minutes ago he would have sat in the front passenger seat. But now he had to act as if he hadn’t been caught staring at Mateo in the locker room freshman year. And pray Mateo had forgotten about it.